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Resisting Year-end Reflection
Finding FLOE Part 19
I don’t want to remember this year as a year of magical moments.
Realizing that made me realize why I’ve been resisting writing a year-end reflection.
Yes, there were moments that made me happy, took my breath away, but they were fleeting. A brief respite form the pressure that defined the rest of the year—an exception, far from the rule.
My joy-baby’s birth is the perfect example; so much happiness mixed with pain following nine months of the most difficult pregnancy of the six I’ve had.
A moment that took my breath away was when a single client paid in full, covering our back-rent and letting us narrowly avoid eviction. What sweet, gasping relief after the suffocating weight of financial pressure leading up to that moment.
As I watch my children frolic in the leaves near the river down the hill from our front door, I grieve. Grieve the loss of that home we could no longer afford to rent, even after the gift of the pay-in-full client. Grieve the fact that this place is temporary and we don’t know where or when we will have a stable home again. Grieve the tear-stained trail that brought us here and the uncertainty of our next steps.
This year was not full of magical moments that sparkle and shine like an engagement ring. The magic of this year is in the pressure creating a diamond far beneath the surface.
Reflecting on it may not conjure many sweet memories of moment in the past, but it does inspire hope for a bright future.
Begin the journey toward finding FLOE with part one.
