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Resisting Year-End Reflection
The Optimism of a Donkey
This year was a shit show.
I don’t want to rewrite it as a year of magical moments.
Realizing that made me realize why I’ve been resisting writing a year-end reflection.
Yes, there were moments that made me happy, took my breath away, but they were fleeting. A brief respite from the pressure that defined the rest of the year-an exception, far from the rule.
My joy-baby’s birth is the perfect example; so much happiness mixed with pain following nine months of the most difficult pregnancy of the six I’ve had.
A moment that took my breath away was when a single client paid in full, covering the back-rent and letting us narrowly avoid eviction. What sweet, gasping relief after the suffocating weight of financial pressure leading up to that moment.
Focusing only on the beautiful parts of this feels like wearing a mask-brightening my face with makeup to distract from my sad eyes.
There’s a time for that. Gratefulness goes a long way, and if I’m not purposeful about appreciating what I can, can I expect more things worth appreciating to come to me? What one focuses on grows, as they say.
