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But have you tried body-doubling?
Finding FLOE Part 16
I don’t want to admit how well body-doubling works—especially because I also have that neurodivergent trait about hating being perceived, so you’d think they’d cancel each other out.
When I thought they were both just trauma responses it made sense:
Body-doubling, aka having another person in the room while doing a task like tidying up or washing dishes, made me feel watched and therefore more accountable for what I’d set out to do and therefore guilty for doing anything but being the most efficient that I could possibly be.
The trauma response part of this came from my mom always grilling me about what I’d been doing while she wasn’t around. You can imagine the pressure when she was watching, which leads to the “fear of being perceived” bit. To this day I hate being watched or questioned while I’m doing something—even something I’m very good at and proud of (and would happily info-dump about so long as I wasn’t also actually doing the thing at the same time).
Apparently though these responses are not just brought on my trauma. They’re more innate than that for autistic people like me.
I don’t get it, but I have to admit it’s true. Yeah, my mom not being aware and accommodating made things worse, but as I’ve experimented with both body-doubling and being perceived while I’m in a safe environment with safe people, it’s become clear.
That outside perspective can be really quite helpful—even and especially when the motivation from fear isn’t a factor.
Begin the journey toward finding FLOE with part one.
